"To make people free is the aim of art, therefore
art for me is the science of freedom" - Joseph beuys
I have been fiercely committed to peel back my layers of old beliefs, old perceptions and untouched truths that have LIVED within.
I often go to the darker places inside and bring myself back to my own light through writing, simply for the sake of my own growth.
I believe that separation and isolation will continue in this world as long as it continues within each of us.
And quite frankly I never want to stop growing because I really do love life.
I write almost every single day and once and a while I feel called to share my INNER world with others and so, here it is:
Living. Writing. Laughing. Dancing. Dreaming. Being. Giving. Mothering. Unschooling. Travelling. Cooking... Oh, did I mention living!
The nuts and bolts of my journey.
I love waking up in the wee hours of the morning before the world around me rises. It is when I write and quietly sip coffee in Hawaii on the ocean every morning for the past five years. After many years of my own inner work, I can finally say that I am in love with living and being my radiant and wild self in this crazy world. Sounds pretty good, doesn't it? Don't be completely fooled! I still have no a clue where I will find myself in the next month or the next five years for that matter. Wild living can do that! My contradiction to 'radiating in Hawaii' is that I have a dark past that I had tried my damnedest for most of my life to color over and cover over.
Sexual abuse, physical abuse, addictions, abortion.....you know, the heavy stuff that no one really wants to talk about.
I started writing at eight to try and make sense of the world around me. I was a daytime over achiever and extrovert who turned into a night time loner and isolator within my own dark corners. Writing was simply how I survived as I lived in a world where NOT a single soul really knew me or knew the person that I was desperately trying to hide. I labeled myself as "damaged" and I was certain that everyone would judge me or reject me, if they really knew.
Starting in my early 20's I began trying almost everything just to feel ok on the inside. The shit I had buried and colored over was finding its way to the surface of my daily life. Not to mention that I was growing tired of hiding and always secretly feeling like something was wrong with me.
Fast forward through years of talk therapy, reading, spiritual quests, silent retreats, cleansing, smudging, meditating, yoga, and reiki -which all helped but they always seemed short lived.
I always knew my answers lived within me...I just didn't know how to get there or how to get past my own walls of protection. And ironically, to top it ALL off...I even built a career where I owned a wellness center where "spirituality and healing" was my gig. I was literally surrounded by light and light workers and could still only see darkness.
So. How did I get from there to here?
Well, there are MANY paths that lead to many places.... as we all know! I just happened to find one that lead me to discover inner transformation that stayed and lasted. I embarked on a five day intensive journey called Decloaking and Living Authentically with Naomi Irons through the WEL-Systems Institute and I have never looked back! This journey was 'the how' I had been looking for and is one way that I have allowed myself to look deep inside so I could FINALLY stop living from my past.
These days, I have come to know that I am much more than my lived experiences and I am anything BUT broken. I can finally say that I feel complete and whole inside. I did not say perfect, nor did I say that I have life figured out! But I had discovered a body of knowledge that offered 'the how' I was looking for. The beauty in all of this is that our journey never ends, our past never leaves...I simply chose a path where I now shape my world, instead of allowing my past to shape my future.
Well, because as spiritual as I had believed myself to be and despite the many books and retreats I embarked on, I had not yet come close to the history and truth I had once tucked away. This old story was still shaping my world, and to think that it wasn't still impacting me or my kids would have been sheer insanity. Everyone has their own reasons for looking and my reason was simply to end some pretty shitty cycles.
I knew that history, cycles and patterns repeat themselves and I wanted to be THE ONE to end them. For myself, then for my children and the world and planet around me.
So. Now what?
I have been making my writing my work because it is what I love. Period. Opening my inner world up for others as a way of connecting and sharing my colorful and radiant self with the world...just because we can never have too many bright lights shining! I am a CODE Model Coach with the WEL-System Institute and work alongside MANY kick-ass incredible women. The juiciest part of my life these days next to my three sons is SoulFire, a collaboration with Naomi Irons- who happens to be a force beyond all cosmic calculations! SoulFire is my newest co-creation that has me lit up like a 20 foot Christmas tree in the middle of the summer.
I rarely ever tell people what to do as it is a pet peeve of mine. But if you want your life to change, then you should seriously follow the link and see what we are up to!
So. There you have it and really the rest is completely up to you.
The beauty of life is that we choose every day and every moment if we are the shapers or if we are being shaped.
We choose if we see the world through our OWN eyes or if we see the world AS we have been told to see it.
Isn't life just amazing?!